Sisters, 11 Things To Look For In A Future Husband

We are all familiar with the two most over-used phrases when talking about finding one's future husband:

He is referred to as "the one"

And it was "love at first sight"

To be honest with you, most women have only experienced that feeling with shoes, handbags, or a wedding dress.

But how do you find the right husband to wear the wedding dress for in the first place?

How do you know if you’ve found the man you want to spend the rest of your life with?

 Are you wondering if you’re making the right decision? 

Ladies, you should find comfort in knowing that Allah has already written this for you before a time that you can even conceive off. 

Having said that, how do you spot that certain written-for-you someone when you see them?

And how will you be sure?

The short answer is...

...you can't.  

Awkward...*tumble weed*

Just kidding.  Here are some tips.

#1 Piety

Probably every point on this list is connected, or falls under the umbrella of "Piety" because if he follows the Quran, then in it he finds the source of how to be the best in character and to his wife.

In one ayah (Quranic verse) about spouses, Allah tells us, 

            “They are a garment for you and you are a garment to them.” Qur’an [2:187]. 

This beautiful metaphor shows the close bond and the special importance of the relationship between spouses. If we consider that a garment is the closest thing to our own bodies, offers protection, shields from shame, and gives comfort, we may begin to understand the Islamic role of husband and wife for one another. 

If we likewise look at another ayah that mentions garments, we find the Quran describes the ideal garment: 

                “The best garment is the garment of taqwa (God-consciousness).” Qur’an [7:26]

Thus, we may deduce that the best quality to look for in a prospective husband or wife is this taqwah, awareness that Allah is hearing, watching, and knowing our every deed, word, and thought. For it is this awareness that helps a believer develop self-restraint and resist the urging of Shaytan (Satan). 

#2 Honesty

“O you who believe!  Fear God, and be with those who are true (in word and deeds).” (Quran 9:119)

Oftentimes, "trust" is sold as the key to a successful marriage but it is impossible to achieve trust in a marriage without the foundation which underpins it- honesty. In order to trust your husband he must be an honest person.  

Not only does he have to be honest with you, but he must be honest with others. Honest speech should flow freely from his lips and be as natural as breathing. 

Honesty with each other and with yourselves is the only way to keep a marriage full of open communication.

#3 Reliability

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Your future husband must be a reliable person. If he gives his word, he should honor it. This helps build trust between you.

This quality is important because, as a woman, you will need to be able to rely on your husband to be there for you when you need him most. 

Can you rely on him to keep you safe? To provide you with a home in which to build your family together? Food, shelter and protection may seem primitive and old-fashioned but it is imcombant for him to provide these for you, Islamically. It is you basic right, and how will you get anything else if even the basics aren't covered?

Even the most mondaine daily activities require you to be able to rely on him; Can you rely on him to remember to pick you up from work, like agreed? Will he do what he says he’s going to fix the back door? Is he going to pick the kids up from school or will he be socializing with his friends? 

Reliability is necessary. Remember, marriage is forever and you don’t want to spend forever doing everything by yourself. Being able to rely on your husband strengthens the bond and trust between as much as not being able to rely on him destroys it. 

#4 Kindness

God instructs men to be kind to their wives and to treat them well to the best of their ability:

                              “…And live with them in kindness…” (Quran 4:19)

The Messenger of Allah said, 

"The most perfect of believers in belief is the best of them in character.  The best of you are those who are the best to their women.’[Al-Tirmidi].

The Prophet of Mercy (pbuh) tells us that a husband’s treatment of his wife reflects a Muslim’s good character, which in turn is a reflection of the man’s faith. 

How can a Muslim husband be good to his wife?  He should smile at her-as this is charity, not hurt her physically or emotionally, remove anything that will harm her, treat her gently, and be patient with her. 

Being kind includes having good communication.  A husband should be willing to open up, and be willing to listen to his wife.

He should not only be kind to you, but to strangers, to the elderly, to children, and everyone and anyone in between. A man who is kind to others is a man who will be good to you and your children. 

# 5 Faithful

Nothing less is worth marrying.

   "Tell the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their private parts..."  24:30.

# 6 Same Life Outlook

Because we’re talking about forever, it’s important that you and your future husband have the same outlook on life.

For example, if you have strong religious convictions but he does not and has no intention on ever having any...think about that for a minute. Your whole approach to life is shaped around your religious beliefs and if he is not on the same page, then he is bound to have different life approach and ideas that you may not agree with. This is likely to be a cause of friction/disagreements/arguments in the future.

If you want to give birth to a football team yet he wants only 1 child, then perhaps you two need to make a compromise.

If you are driven, organised and motivated yet he seems to just be strolling through life half-heatedly, not knowing what he wants, or how he is going to get it- stop and reflect.

There are always some things you will have to compromise on, but it’s important you and your future husband at least have the same ideal on where you’d like to be in the future InshaA'llah.

#7 Attraction

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Articles covering this topic are usually split between two camps:

camp 1- Sexual attraction is key as it is what will keep the spark alive and you libido in check etc;

camp 2- It's all about personality-only. Do not focus on looks as that is superficial and shallow as they do not last etc etc. You get the point.

 The fact attraction is based heavily on the way the person looks, makes it partially true. But for the most part, it's an integral part of your happiness. Being attracted to someone is a healthy sign that our bodies are working the way they were created to.

Now, that doesn't mean that he knocks you over your chair with one glance. It doesn't even mean that he has to be a muscular knight in shining armor. It might be the dimple on his cheek, the twinkle in his eye, his poetry or his whitt. In fact, whatever it is, it's what you like and it's makes you feel happy and all rosey inside- and that's ok. It's a healthy sign.

It doesn't mean, however, that just because you are attracted to him that it's enough. But if all the other criteria is met AND you're attracted to him, the it's a recipe for success Insh'Allah. 

#7 Sense of Humor

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Sometimes, when I'm upset about something, my husband makes me laugh so much that I forget what I was supposed to be upset about.  

A good quality to have, that is oftentimes overlooked in a search for a future husband, is a great sense of humor. Life has its ups and downs. Sometimes you need a good laugh in order to get through the day and help eachother overcome difficulties.

When you laugh you release feel-good hormones and laughing together brings joint joy and fills your marriage with happiness strengthening your bond.

Besides, if you plan on having kids, you’re both going to need a good sense of humor.

#8 Patience

Speaking of having kids, patience is definitely a requirement. 

“Allah surely loves those who are the Sabireen (patient).” (3:146)


No one is perfect and having a pious husband who is patient with you means that he is more likely to overlook your faults and focus on your good qualities. 

There may also be a time where you experience some personal difficulty such as a family grievance, job loss, or ill health. Your husband's patience and dedication will be what helps you through it and gives you strength.

#9 Family Values

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Strong family values are an important quality to have. They reflect your potential future husband's upbringing and give an insight into the family values he is likely to hold with you in the future.  

You should look for a good family relationship between himself and his parents and siblings.
He has to be caring and protective of his family, respect you as his wife, love and care for his children and be responsible. 

# 10 Respectability

Finally, one of the most important qualities to look for in a future husband is respectability. If you don’t respect someone you can’t truly love that person. The above mentioned qualities are all necessary in a respectable man.

As well as being a respectable man, It is He also has to respect you.

Do not comprimise on this point!

If your future husband has no respect for your opinions or feelings, this is a red flag. He is not worth your time and you should run away now!…go quickly! Keep running girl! 

A lack of respect is soul-shattering and draining. It is important that both spouses feel appreciated, understood and respected. 

Respect is also a very important attribute for your children to see growing up. If their father does not respect or value their mother, they are likely to grow up with an unhealthy view towards women. They need to see a good example of a healthy, loving relationship between their mother and father. 

# 11 Hardworking

The reason why this one isn't called "rich" or "professional high-flyer" is because everyone has a different story. Just because someone is a lawyer, doesn't make them a good husband. The same is true for a doctor, teacher or any other profession.

What's important is that he is hard-working and dedicated to making both of your lives, and those of children, better. Someone who is hard-working has potential and this is a respectable attribute.

# Finally

Sisters, perform Salat Al Istikhara and leave it to Allah for He knows best and has the final seal in all of our affairs. 

For information on how to perform Salat Al Istikhara click here.